Unverified Voracity Busts Out Orbiting Panic Guy

also Panic Kornheiser Google Image Search

Dammit, dammit, dammit. You have probably heard that Amara Darboh has blown up something in his foot and is out for the year. This calls for the little panic guy.

Michigan is not going to replace Darboh's combination of size and blocking and receiver expectations should be downgraded a notch. Judging from scrimmage highlights and practice buzz, Jehu Chesson or Joe Reynolds is the next man in. Hopefully it's Chesson, who has excellent upside; realistically both guys are going to split Darboh snaps.

Michigan may also turn to more plays on which Devin Funchess splits out. While Funchess doesn't have the same speed Darboh does he can duplicate some of the leapy-catchy Hemingway business Michigan just lost.

At least Darboh gets a redshirt.

Elsewhere in PANIC. Bad sign:

Hoke says Jarrod Wilson has to have more production to become a starter at safety.

— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) August 20, 2013

"More production" in this case probably means "fewer blown tackles/coverages." That's bad. What's more, the seemingly odd move of Courtney Avery back there signals that Michigan is scrambling at that spot. If it was a safety coming through another safety, fine. A 175-pound corner whose health is constantly in question triggers my alarm bells.

That's a death knell for Josh Furman, for one. While it's less of a negative sign for Jeremy Clark since he's just a year into the program, it would have been nice if he was able to play once Wilson faltered.

Feel better? George Campbell Whitfield, broom-wielding quarterback guru, on Devin Gardner:

“I was shocked,” Whitfield said. “I had only seen him in a couple cameos at Michigan. I was shocked at all the talent, how strong he was, how athletic, how fast.

“We worked on a lot of footwork ... weight transition, the ability to drop, put your foot in the ground, stop and work back into a play. That’s not always easy. ... We spent quite a bit of time on chaos training — what happens if two linemen got beat, halfway through drop, and I don’t have to pull rip cord or I’m getting chased to left sideline, I’m a right-handed quarterback, how do I make this throw?”

Gardner's main issue is accuracy—too many times last year he missed on simple throws because of erratic mechanics. Hopefully an offseason of ownership sees him make serious progress there.

[after THE JUMP: pudding pops, Bartlestein on the shot, and advice for freshmen.]

HE KNEW. Joe Reynolds on the suddenly slightly-relevant freshmen wideouts:

With a spot on the outside now open, Jaron Dukes may shed his redshirt.

Puddin' pops will make you feel better. I don't want this for 140 dollars, but I want it:

Rudy. Theoooo.

CTK. James Ross is up:

Countdown to Kickoff 2013: Day 11 - James Ross IIIby mgovideo

There is also Jack Miller.

The Purdue thing. It was, and then was not, and then was rescued. Be careful. Watching this video will cause seizures in people who have not played at least 100 hours of Civilization in their lives.

Advice for freshmen. All of this post is accurate, but none more so than this one:

At some point, Michigan will feel really fucking huge. Then you’ll see that one kid who always wears shorts and sandals, and you’ll think, “How do I always see that one dude? How many people are on this campus, twelve? Jesus.”

For me it was Indian Guy With Neon Backpack, who followed me around for two straight years. He managed to do so by walking in front of me. IGWNB was a genius and is probably inventing nuclear physics right now.

My advice: don't stop doing all that extracurricular crap. Stop doing the stuff you only did to put on a college application*, but the thing you actually liked? Keep doing that.

*[I still get twitchy about the worst idea I ever had: "teach eighth graders Sunday School." Eighth graders are evil. At the end of this massively failed experiment the little old lady in the room next to me challenged us to a bible quiz. My "students", a collection of derelict spastics, knew nothing. Hers had memorized the entire canon. Little old ladies are also evil.]

Bartlestein on the shot. You know how Josh Bartlestein starts blowing up on the bench before the shot even goes in? About that:

Everyone wants to know how I knew it was going in. It all starts at Bud Walton Arena (against Arkansas) two years ago, we’re down maybe 20-2 and we come back to have a shot to win at the buzzer, and Trey’s shot goes in and out. And as we’re walking to the bus, Zack and Stu and I are talking to Trey and we say, ‘Before this is over, you’re going to make a much more important game-winning shot. It would have been nice to beat Arkansas, but you’re going to make one when it matter way more.’ Then we go to Ohio State this year. We’re 16-0. Trey’s 3-pointer goes in and out. ‘Trey, you’ll make this shot when it’s way more important.’ Against Wisconsin, score is tied in overtime, ‘Trey you’ll make a shot when it’s more important, trust me.’ Then we get to Indiana, and the ball rolls out. ‘Trey, you’ll make a shot that’s more important.’ And by this point, Trey had become an iconic figure in college basketball and Michigan basketball.

So when Kansas missed that free throw and Trey had the ball, I told Matt and Blake, who were sitting next to me, ‘I would bet my life he will make this three.’ Now, if I had known he was going to shoot it from half-court, I might not have bet my life. But when he pulled up — I knew this kid had done everything imaginable for a college basketball player, and he just needed that one iconic shot, the Trey Burke Shot. And that was it. As soon as he pulled up, I knew it was going in so I jumped up. And he made me look really smart because he made it.

Much more at the link.

Alvarez, just say it. I know you're trying to say it. So just say it:

"I've got to tell you," said athletics director and longtime Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez, who groomed Bielema to be his replacement, "and I'm not saying this negatively because Bret did a good job for us, but I haven't had one person say, 'Well, it's too bad Bret left' or 'We were sorry to see Bret leave' or 'Couldn't you have paid the assistants more money to keep him?' Not one."

I need you to call Bielema a meathead. I need this, Barry Alvarez.

Does he occupy an entire Bursley-Baits? The softer side of Kyle Kalis is still a bucket of knives… but there's Schubert playing. He's in the art school, and take it from someone who rode the bus to North Campus daily: that is not the demographic center of the art school. (The demographic center of the art school is a girl who is disgusted to be within 50 feet of you, because you are an engineer.)

Basketball recruiting bits. Power forwards: Michigan is getting one this year. 2014 PF DJ Wilson is a candidate, albeit likely a Plan B sort since he's a consensus three star and Michigan is still after a number of big fish. He plans a visit October 4th. Michigan is also after 4.5 star Devin Robinson, who is not actually Denard Robinson sitting on Devin Gardner's shoulders.

Meanwhile, IN SF Trevon Bluiett will visit UCLA August 31st and hit Michigan up the week after for the ND game. UCLA is a rising name in his recruitment since they hired one of Bluiett's old coaches, but can you really meet Steve Alford and John Beilein and pick the former?

Etc.: A playlist for the 2013 season. CUSA puts a bowl in the Bahamas.